Parenting is stressful! Everyone knows that. However, too many of us accept that stress as inevitable and don't even look for ways to make our family life more harmonious.
Any healthy person looks for help when the pain gets unbearable. But what about that everyday, nagging, I-always-thought-my-family-life-would-be-better-than-this frustration. Folks in this category, which is nearly all parents at some point in the parenting process, often just adapt an attitude of acceptance when a few simple changes could bring about very satisfying results.
Parenting stress busters that help the most are often not the simple, step-by-step variety, like "3 Things to do When Bobby Talks Back" or "5 Ways to Get Your Teen to Listen to You". To be sure, those types of solutions often do provide a measure of relief for stressed out moms and dads, but without understanding the underlying issues, these types of solutions are often more band-aid-patches than outright fixes. Before long, you find yourself nagging or being frustrated just as much as before.
I've been parenting for over 25 years and I learned early on that I did not want to keep bumping into the same parenting issues over and over again. In fact, I decided that if I was seeing the same challenges again and again, it was my job to make a change. After all, I'm the adult in the relationship. My kids are, well, just kids. They are looking to ME to come up with answers. Not the other way around.
I didn't want my parenting experience to be filled with only frustration, nagging and wishing for more. I wanted a way to develop healthy long-term relationships with my children. Not to be their best buddy...but to be the best parent I could be.
It was only after I began asking WHY my kids behaved in the ways they did...WHY I reacted the way I did...WHY I was quick to nag (because it's easy) and slow to listen (that takes time) that it became obvious I was sacrificing long term parenting success in favor of short term pain avoidance. Which always led back to more nagging and frustration. More parenting stress.
I have discovered that there are really only a handful of qualities that most parents need to focus on to make this leap from short-term thinking to long-term parenting confidence. Results-oriented parenting stress busters focus on these qualities.
Ideas such as...
* using the everyday grind to learn about personal responsibility.
* using that situation where I could easily nag to instead work with my child to develop a sense of teamwork.
* earning respect and practicing kindness in the opportunities life gives us each day.
* substituting flexibility for frustration.
These are tools that are available to every parent. And when we as parents practice them, our kids automatically are drawn to them, like magic.
It's actually a very cool system. It means parenting is still stressful (though not nearly as much). But now it's also rewarding.
If this sounds useful to you as a parent, you can get more parenting stress busters for free. See the resource box at the end of this article for more information.
Instead of getting overwhelmed with all the parenting advice available today, you can start practicing with a handful of proven tools and watch your household stress levels come down. With consistency it really does work.
And hugs help a lot, too.
Colleen Langenfeld has been a parent for over 25 years and offers free parenting stress busters at .
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